Whales, Horses & Alligators...Oh My!

It started off innocently enough... I was looking fabulous, dressed head to toe in my adorable new Vineyard Vines patchwork mini-skirt and coordinating pink shirt, when none other than my now former-favorite Vineyard Vines sales person saunters up to me and compliments me on my outfit.

Here's how it went down:

Brent: Hey! Nice outfit. (Introduces me to his friend ) Mark, this is one of my best customers.

Me: Thanks. Surprisingly enough, I didn't get in too much trouble for buying it!

Everyone laughs.

Me: Good to know that you are wearing your products away from the office. Although, I was secretly hoping that I would catch you out and about in a Polo shirt.

(Man, I crack myself up sometimes)

Brad: Oh. Whatever. Like I would EVER wear a POLO shirt. I mean, you can get that stuff at TJ Maxx.

Me: Polite laugh and then I leave (all the while resisting the urge to kick Brad in the shins).

He didn't just go there! He didn't just scoff at the Maxx! My Maxx!

Well, he did. Now-I'm in the market for a new salesperson. (Reeeally dumb move there Brad. I just got the summer catalog and there are a LOT of things that I want need in there...)

Furthermore, how dare that dimwit throw Polo under the bus! Insulting Ralph is damn near un-American. That horse represents only one of THE most classic, preppiest brands ever made. What's next, moron? Are you going to diss the Lacoste Alligator? Jackass.

This unpleasant encounter brings me to the first of many confessions. I shop at TJ Maxx (gasp!) If you had an ounce of brain matter, you would too. Over the years I have found so many fabulous deals on shoes, suits, plush bath towels and home decor there, that I feel the need to defend the store's honor in the face of unwarranted snootiness.

Speaking of snootiness and a lack of brain matter...if you see anyone you know at TJ Maxx please don't pretend you didn't see them. They DID see you, and now you're just being plain rude by ignoring them. I have seen women from the county club literally DIVE head first into a rack of dresses in an attempt to avoid eye contact with me. How tacky!

I seriously don't give a damn if you shop at TJ Maxx. In fact, I might actually like you because of the fact that you do.

Mama and Daddy taught me a long time ago, when I was a baby diva, that money doesn't buy class- and that includes the cute whale. They were absolutely right.

Who IS this girl?!?

So, you've stumbled across my blog, and are surely wondering "who in the HELL is this girl?" and "why should I care about her confessions?"

Do yourself and your friends and family a major favor and bookmark this site. You won't want to miss one juicy tibit of what I have to say. And believe me, I have A LOT to say.

Having been born and raised in the South, I've learned to keep my mouth shut about a lot of things (unless of course, I've been fed too many cocktails- and then all bets are off). But I'm tired of being quiet, and whether you know it or not, you or someone you know needs my help.

If you don't like what I have to say...then frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. My blog. My way. As long as you remember that one rule, we're gonna get along fabulously.

Now just one teensy weensy legal disclaimah..... the stories you're gonna read are true for the most part. I will change the names and some of the details to protect the guilty...and to keep me from being sued*)

*Being sued= less shopping. Less shopping=a fate worse than death.